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Guide to Girls (For Good Boys)

March 30th 2008 14:46
First thing: This is not a layguide or any such thing – there are a plethora of works out there telling men how to manipulate and use women. That is not what this is.

Essentially I have written this for those faceless throngs of gentlemen who find themselves unable to communicate on a very basic social level with women. It won’t make anyone a seduction expert, but it might demonstrate a few common issues that a lot of blokes discover, that can really limit the quality of life and social interaction they experience.

It would be understandable if one had reached the point where one expected that to meet and get along with girls, it is a liberty to have a conscience attached to you that doesn’t permit you to treat girls like rubbish. You can’t quite work out why this stands in your way, and girls would prefer to get with some total jerk than you. You’ve had a scan over ‘how to’ websites and write ups, but the moral of the story always seems to be that you have to treat women like tissues to succeed – something that doesn’t gel with your own philosophy.

The good news is that you don’t have to be a jerk to communicate with girls. The bad news is that you are going to have to do some stuff differently.

1. The first thing you have to do is recognise that you’ve permitted yourself to be taken in by a cruel fallacy; that only bad men can meet girls. This is crap. The truth is that bad men are simply better at doing certain things than good men. These are things like, being confident, talking clearly, and using strong body language. Most of this is stuff you’ll pick up in due time.

2. Be confident. Accept that you are a worthwhile human being. A lot of what we think others see in us is really what we see in ourselves. You need to allow yourself the right to be respected. Until this one thing changes NOTHING changes.

3. Don’t freak out when girls talk sex. Guys talk it all the time, so why do you freak out when girls discuss it? This is not to tell you to become a drooling dickhead over girls, but just to be prepared to acknowledge that sex is, like, a thing that, like, exists, instead of glossing over it and trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. Don’t avoid taking part in these conversations, as you’re aware of the female company. Girls can have mature conversations WAY before blokes can even say ‘nipple’ without giggling. It’s just maturity; if you want to be seen as an adult, you have to be comfortable with adult conversations.

4. Talk to girls. That’s right. Start the conversation. Stop looking for reasons not to. No, you’re not intruding on her life. No, she won’t shoot you. No, you can’t wear a mask.

5. Don’t apologise. Unless you actually do something wrong like dropping food on her, stepping on her foot, kicking her dog, burning her house down etc. If you do that, then sure apologise. But I’m sorry to take up your time/sorry to ask/sorry to interrupt just creates the illusion of you being whiny and annoying.

6. GIRLS AREN’T SQUIDS. Can you imagine how awkward it would be to talk to a squid? “Um hey so… yeah… how are you… um… so… you like kelp?” Luckily, girls aren’t squid. They’re people like you and me. See, what goes so horribly wrong so often if that there’s this whole OMGGURLZ!!! Mindset going on. Those horrible arrogant shmucks who we see stealing girls hearts and then shredding them? They think they’re so good that they treat everyone as equally lesser. You don’t have to treat everyone as lesser, but treating lads and lasses the SAME is the key – girls are people, and unless you start acting like it, and having normal person conversations, then you might as well go talk to a squid.
Girl and Squid
As is clearly demonstrated in this here diagram a girl is incredibly different from a squid. This fact need only to remind us that we are not in the unenviable position of trying to imitate tentacles and yell 'fphllbibibibib' in order to communicate, but can simply treat Girls (left) as persons much like our own selves or comrades


7. Have something to talk about. This essentially translates as shut down your computer and go do something interesting. The most important and practical social skills come singularly from life experience.

Essentially, the complication most people find when trying to have conversations with girls, is simply the perception that there are any complications. Keep this in mind, relax, and allow yourself the chance to feel confident, and you’ll be fine.
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What Age Should You Use Deodorant?

March 15th 2008 08:21
Smelly armpit causing disgust
If this is you, it is time to begin your deodorant use


Somebody once asked me; what age should you begin wearing deodorant?

Ah. The question that has plagued mankind for centuries. There is a very easy answer.

The age you should begin to use deodorant is the age that you start smelling bad. If you are uncertain as to whether or not you waft deadly unpleasant odour into an unsuspecting society, then have a close, brutally honest family member indicate one way or another.

There are some for whom the age to start is about three years ago. If this is you, pull out five dollars and run down to your local shop. Your social life will thank you.

ANONYMOUS SUGGESTS:


Before applying deodorant, take a shower, a bath, or at least wash the smelly bits with soap and water.

Putting perfume on top of B.O. only makes it worse, no matter how old you are...
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Being Polite is Rude

February 21st 2008 14:07
You’re a polite individual. You say please and thank you, and treat people with decency and respect. However, for some reason this does not seem to have a positive influence on your social life – in fact, quite the opposite. You still feel awkward around your peers, tongue tied where others speak freely in social situations, and find the girls of your dreams walking straight past you, into the arms of the biggest jerk in the world.

Don’t worry. You’re not alone in your confusion. The difficulty you’re having comes from a misconception in what constitutes politeness itself.

Polite is not just what we generally accept it to be. There are, in fact, two forms of politeness.

The first is demonstrated in this exchange:

“Brenton, could you please pass me the salt?”
“Here you are”
“Thank you very much”
“You’re welcome”

This exchange demonstrates the first type of politeness. Being polite by following socially appropriate conventions of what is generally understood as ‘politeness’. It is often referred to as Positive Politeness. The mistake that so many make is thinking that this is the only legitimate type of politeness. This though, is a mistake. Observe the following exchange:

“Oi, chuck us the salt”
“Get it yourself you lazy bastard”
“Piss off, chuck us the salt”
“No. Get some exercise and grab it.”

At first this seems rude. However, if the two individuals are just friends engaging in light banter, we understand that no offense is meant. In fact, they are actively being polite to each other. This is called Negative Politeness.

To be polite we show respect to those we address. The first scenario demonstrates that we respect a person through using language that identifies them as being considered worthy of respect.

The second type of politeness is more useful to those we are socially intimate with. It demonstrates that we respect an individual through the way in which we use their own language, and willingness to treat them with a casualness that defines them as an equal.

What, though, does this mean for you? This answer is: Lots.

When you are meeting new people, potential friends, potential romantic partners, you are looking to develop a relationship that is on some level, intimate. This is why you have to use the second level of politeness.

Have you ever watched popular guys talking with people they’ve just met? There’s no messing around. They go straight in, handshake, pat on the back, whatever, launching straight into conversation like they’d known the new person for years. This forms bonds straight between the two of them. If you approach every new person with caution and distance then you may never cause a major social offense – but neither will you make close friends quickly. Caution and distance help you to develop cautious distant relationships. Acting friendly and forthcoming helps you develop friendly and forthcoming relationships.

Remember how I mentioned that the biggest jerk in the room seems to get the girl? Now you know why. There might be a difference between being a nice guy acting friendly with everyone, and just being a jerk and not caring who you crush into the dirt, but the difference is rarely obvious in social situations. If you don’t make friends with the pretty girl, then she’s just going to get dominated by the moron who knows all the moves to get into her pants.

Newsflash: Beautiful girls DO NOT NEED ANY MORE GROVELERS! They have plenty of them. They are used to the first level of politeness being the norm. You need the second level to get their attention. Remember what you’re trying to do here – develop an intimate relationship (strong friendship or romantic). You would never treat your mates as though they were better than you. As tempting as it may be, the same applies for lovely ladies – always stay as an equal, not treating them as a Goddess. Jerks succeed at this because they have no regard for the value of other people, so they never treat anyone as being valuable. You however, can do this because you have class.

OK, so, lets go over the main points.

- Politeness as treating others as equals NOT as superiors. If you act socially like someone is above you, they will treat you like you’re below them. This is a lose-lose situation. If you act as an equal, you will be considered and treated as one.

- Be a friend NOT an acquaintance. We gather up acquaintances all through our lives, and most of them are fairly replaceable. Nobody wants to put effort into keeping acquaintances, so don’t act like one.

- Be insulting NOT complementary. This is a bit tricky. When I say this I don’t mean directing unflattering comments about the shape of the head of the first person you meet. I mean two things – firstly, don’t be afraid of playful banter. Friendships thrive on being able to take a joke and give as good as they get. Secondly, don’t overdo the compliments. People will either get tired of your flattery (and possibly suspect you of being a stalker) or take it to heart and consider themselves way out of your league. Neither of these is good. At all.

- Be reckless NOT cautious. It’s always tempting to feel out a situation before you act. However, while you’re busy working out if you should ask the girl of your dreams out or not while tentatively trying to gather a signal from her as to whether you should, the girl of your dreams is loosing faith in the hope that you will ever ask her out, and moving on to stupid jerk guy. Just act, move in, say something, be noticed. Unless you do, you might as well be a part of the furniture.Be a Rock Star NOT a Groupie. Beautiful girls have enough Groupies swarming to ogle them. What you need to be is a rock star, confident, public, fun, chatty (but not blabbering).

So, you don’t have to stop being polite for social and romantic success. You just have to remember that politeness is more that following specific social rules and regulations. It’s a way of putting others at ease and showing them you respect them. And, for goodness sake, enjoying it.
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How to make Eggbread.

December 10th 2007 10:25
Eggbread is the Aussie bastard child of French toast. It’s simple, it’s fun, and it’s bloody good.
INGREDIENTS.
Bread


[ Click here to read more ]
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Voice Changers are AWESOME

December 3rd 2007 13:33
THIS IS PART OF MY ADSENSE ADVENTURE.

I bought myself a Voice Changer. I've seen them around a lot and have simply fallen in love with one purple specimen. It provides disproportionate joy to my life


[ Click here to read more ]
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It’s a strange world today, when we all have what we want, to a large degree. I mean, I might want a Wii () but if I want one I can save up and buy one. And if I see a competition for a Wii, I’m almost certainly not going to bother with it.

What would I bother with? Tickets to events, travel, limited edition stuff, provided it was ridiculously awesome


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PODCAST: HOW TO BE COOL #1 - BEING A POSER

September 27th 2007 14:07
How to be cool #1. Being a Poser.


[ Click here to read more ]
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